Work out your Fears

Work out with your fears is the best exercise that you need. Because the greatest enemy of our own is our own fears as well. If we fight all those fears then we are surely a winners. It take you a while to really get over, but when you overcome all those fears believe me its rewarding.

Now I need to look back from my past and tell you my story. I hope you learn from my story, we are bless already because God is always there for us. May my story will inspire you and lighten your burden knowing God is there for you always as He is for me.

As I promise I’m going to share my life with you all. I didn't dream of revealing my life to the world, I don’t even plan to make my own video and upload here. I saw videos in you tube before and many are leaving comments and are “BADASS” you know.

“BADASS” are people who leave comments and sounded not so good to me. Other people used to bully me from my past. When you laughed by people almost all your life that really affect your personality development.  I admit, it makes me feel so insecure, I pretend to be strong to my family and friends but really inside me something is killing me.

I cannot share my story to anyone because I don’t like to be laughed by anyone ever again.  Those things I cannot accept myself so I choose part of my life that I know they see me as better person, they see me as strong person, I do not want to look back to where people used to make fun of me.  I have loads of fears but the biggest FEAR I have is to talk.

Because during my grade school I cannot talk straight, I need to kick my foot to talk. I need to breath hard to talked, every time I talked people make fun of me, they find me weird. I suffer all those without a support from anyone. If people bully me no one comfort me, nothing was there to explain what’s going on.

It was me myself and I. I just run to my father’s grave and cry I cannot find any support for reason, no one ever stop them making fun of me. For a little child those are traumatic experience.  I grow up that no one depends on me, no one ever protect me but myself. Those thing create big impact into my personality.

 I am fighting I try not to show them, I try to be sarcastic, I try to pretend that I am strong as I grow up.

My way of getting over it, especially during my high school days, I kind fight all those fears but until I got married I didn't get over. There are times that I really want to ask some help especially during the time when I have my baby.

 I don’t want hers to feel what I've been through. But going to a life coach cost me a lot, my x husband and I have ordinary life we cannot afford. I told him I need some help but I didn't mention all my problems to him because I don’t want him to be affected and worry about me and all. He told me we can’t afford he wants too but just can’t.

 My x  try to there for me, but I hide a lot of fears, because I want to see him strong I want him to get strength from me.  Those are wrong doing, never hide things from your partners, I make mistake of pretending myself to be strong, but the truth I am too coward. I even get worse when my x and I broke up.

 I felt more insecure and fears are always in me. I don’t know where to run I give up God already, I have been depending asking his help all my life, but how come I lose my family. I started building wall to people,I avoid my friends, I am shy that ,I try to fix their problem before but I cannot even help myself at the moment.

If I share my problem to them that would be a burden, I hide all my problems and continue pretending I am ok. and really strong even something is eating me inside. I cannot open and read the bible anymore, I am scared to asked help from God and then trials comes along my way. I felt really bad about everything that's going on in my life. 

And I face the world alone all over again, just like in my childhood, I let my x take care of our daughter, thinking I can't be able to protect hers. That's how coward I am, people are asking why you didn't keep her, I don't mention much but I simple said I am not working right now, I cannot afford to have hers because I have ego I wouldn't be accepting help from x. 

I am afraid that people may know who is the real me, I am losing hope but I pretend to smile, I can only cry and huge myself in my own bed. I didn't even talk to my sisters, everyone wonders what happen to me and x, those are big question. They are thinking I may do something bad which I am not.

I don't wanna talk about everything, I avoid people who know me personally and asked loads of question, I don't like to explain, I know my self and God I didn't do anything. Greatest mistake is having ego, ego really kills relationship. I have ego and he also he have, we both have ego.

The only way to be happy is accept your imperfection, a man is human could make mistake. Accept that trials is part of life, accept that you are weak and you need help. We are beautiful by our own unique personality and our beauty comes from inside, outside are bonuses. If you're not beautiful like others for sure you are beautiful in some other way.

We are human, God created us by our unique personality. Our character and personality make us beautiful. A confidence that everyone have, make them beautiful and amazing not always the looks. Again looks are bonuses. Be glad that you're beautiful but don't used it to brag yourself.

You're beautiful, be thankful and value what God has given you, if you can talk straight be thankful because you haven't laughed by others. Use your voice to say what is real, be true, do not use to create story behind others back. Use your voice in good way to praise God. To teach others what is good and bad.

I am not asking you to be perfect I am only asking you to appreciate everything that God has given you. Because you are bless, many people out there don't have what you have and stop complaining about life. Be happy for all the sadness and happiness in your life,because from there you will grow, those things happening everyday make you grow.

Remember kids learn from there mistake and failure, they grow from their. Your fears are your shadow always follow you wherever you go, you can't do anything unless you decide to face it. Work out with your fears. If your insecure, if you feel like your different, you feel like you can't do anything, or you think like you're nothing because you're not educated, no! get over it.

God made you and He loves you because you are beautiful, you are unique, you have purpose on earth. That for you to find out. You cannot make magic and change right away. But you need to start right at this moment because if you wait for another time, tomorrow, next week, next month, you're still deciding and I am sure nothing change. 

If you start right now, there is possibility that tomorrow and in coming days things are getting better, things change for you. You can't expect to harvest something from your farm, without planting right? Now is the time for you start working out your fears. Be brave trust God, as you pray start working out step by step, it take a while to make you get over it, but you will. Trust God He loves you.

Keep moving with happy life, always have time to God, an hour each week or couple mins each day is not too much. You can do that everywhere. The more that trials trying to bring you down, the more that you need God in your life. That I didn't know before I need to lose my family, and face the world all over again by myself to realize how much God Love me.

Now I can talk straight with confidence and I don't have to kick my right foot to say something. I only kick balls ha ha ha. ( kicking balls is my open mouth when I talk to my friends its a joke) I sometimes joke and say "BADASS" Life is boring without joke honestly lets enjoy life, and love life. Love those BADASSEs out there they are also human. I am sometimes like one of them I am human too.

You can "badass" leave comment below. I know I am not perfect, and you have freedom to say whatever you like to say. Thank You for giving time reading here. I appreciate it. I see you again cheer up and stop complaining you are beautiful and amazing

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